When I was young, my mom instituted a great policy to help me learn new vocabulary. If ever I asked what something meant, she would say to me, "Look it up!" A definition, a spelling, how to use something in a sentence… rather than give me the answer, she would prod me-- "Get out the dictionary (or encyclopedia, depending on the specific instance) and look it up." |
One definition that has always stuck with me is that of FAITH-- the belief in something you cannot see. Even when I first discovered the meaning of the word at a young age, it made me feel like there was something bigger than me… something out there that I would never quite be able to understand.
But from the moment I first looked up the definition, I knew faith was something I wanted to acquire. And, like anything worth a grain of salt, this wasn't easy for me to achieve.
I struggled with going to church as a teenager-- I'd go to please my mom, but I often resisted-- feeling that I was missing something from the experience-- that somehow all the other people around were detracting from my ability to have a conversation with God and develop my own faith.
Thankfully, as I went off to college and continued on to my "grown up life" on my own in a new city, I developed the independence that allowed my faith to flourish. Without the constant, in-the-flesh support of family and friends that I grew up with, I learned to face life on my own. And what a struggle that was!
You know how it goes-- normal life problems. We all face them on a fairly regular and rolling basis: Trouble at work. Difficulty making friends. Heartbreak. Financial concerns. Homesickness. Doubt.
Living on my own for the first time, these things frequently felt overwhelming, all consuming and life-shattering. While my parents were there for me, everyday (and often, in the middle of the night) spending hours on the phone to console, comfort and support me, I would often hang up and the feelings of fear, loneliness or sadness would come rushing back.
And that's when it happened: I would pull out my childhood Bible… and start reading. Often, this task was completed as I wiped away sobs. But always, ALWAYS, I would end up finding a page and a passage that spoke to me. Without fail, no matter how hopeless I felt, if I read long enough, I would encounter words that set my heart and mind at peace. It was as if someone or something was speaking directly to me, directly to my situation at hand.
That was when I recognized it: my faith. Right there inside me, where it had been hiding for so long. It was a personal connection to something larger and it was more all-encompassing than any fear I faced. I immediately and without doubt believed that regardless of how lonely I felt, I was never alone.
This faith has stood by me through times that have grown harder still in each passing year. As I faced the loss of my mother, major life changes and hurdles, and things I never thought I would be able to overcome-- my faith has pulled me through.
As I was overcome with emotion one recent night, worried about an ailing member of my family, I once again pulled out my childhood Bible, and frantically skipped about, searching for those words of comfort. I felt that I was facing more than I could handle and that I had nowhere to turn. And guess what I found? These words that I had never seen before spoke directly to me:
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea… God is within her, she will not fall. God will help her at the break of day."
~ Psalm 46:1-5 (modified)
The wonderful thing about life-- as with faith, when it is true-- is that it continues. Each day is a new beginning. As I woke up this morning, I looked down at the last words I saw before I went to sleep: God will help her at the break of day. And I smiled. He had.
There it was-- faith-- right by my side and pulling me through once again.
Now, COME ON, DISH! What has your spiritual journey been like? How do you keep the faith when times get tough? I'd love to hear so we can grow in faith together!