Exactly one year ago today, I lost my mother. After fighting a breast cancer/brain cancer combination for more than 10 years, she was ready for Heaven. She fulfilled her life's mission, which I firmly believe was to inspire others with her endless love, optimism, strength and faith. I'm not one to dwell on sad things, but as today approached, the anniversary of my mom's death, I struggled with the thought: how do you honor a mother? |
My mother's memorial service was a day I will remember forever. I was in awe at the number of people who stopped by during calling hours to pay their respects and share how my mom touched their lives. I was even more touched at the standing room-only crowd at her memorial service. It was humbling to realize, again, what a wonderful woman raised me.
Leading up to my mom's service, I spent countless hours thinking of words that could honor her life. Even now, a year later, I believe they are the closest I will ever come to expressing the wonderful woman my mom was. These words, I spoke solely to my mother. I know she was with me then, as she has been each day since. Yet, they were heard by all who cared enough to get a deeper sense of who she was.
And so today, I share these words again. I share them with hope that someone will feel inspired by her life, her faith and her strength. I share them with hope that someone will feel compelled to do good in the world. I share them with hope that someone will appreciate life today, a little more than they did yesterday. I share my mom with you.
My mom was a private person. She was friendly with everyone she met, but only a select few had the pleasure of getting to know who she truly was. To me, my mom was the most amazing woman in the world, and I feel my job today is to make sure everyone here has the opportunity to hear some of the things that made my mom so spectacular. So, please forgive me for taking up what I’m sure will be too much time talking. Those of you who know me know I’m good at that… a trait I get from my mom.
When I think of the words that best describe my mom, I think of:
Fearless
Strong
Kind
Confident
Loving
and endless faith
When I was very young, I would sometimes visit my mom at work. As I was ushered around, I grew accustomed to hearing frequent comments of "you look just like your mother" and "well, aren't you just a little Carol!" In fact, little Carol became a kind of nickname, and that's how my mom's colleagues often referred to me. As I have grown older, I have realized more and more how true this moniker is and how lucky I am to have been recognized as such. I was originally little Carol because I have always looked strikingly similar to my mom, but I have turned into a true little Carol as I have grown, because I have inherited many of her personality traits and quirks... for better and worse!
My mom is one of a kind. She grew up in Louisville, KY as the oldest of five children. Probably because of this, Mom has always been responsible, a natural leader, and a steadfast source of comfort. She once told me how she and her siblings were given an allowance growing up, and how her brother John would always spend his all on candy at the corner store. My mom, on the other hand, preferred to save. She has always had an inner determination and a confidence in herself that she could do anything she set her mind to, and she was willing to make the sacrifices necessary to accomplish her dreams. Thanks to some encouragement from her beloved Uncle Harry, she was the first in her family to attend college. Mom was a Rainbow Girl, a Barbizon model, and a straight A student.
And to those who don't know mom well, these are the traits she is likely remembered for. Dedicated, studious, serious and maybe even a bit bossy! But as much as my mom took her career seriously, she equally lived her life with fun. When she was growing up, mom had a nice constant stream of boyfriends, and I recall one story mom told me about traveling across the country on her savings, sleeping in the backseat of a boyfriend's old car!
But my mom is truly fearless. She at one point dreamed of becoming an FBI agent, only to find out that women weren't allowed in the profession at the time. She once took skydiving classes, only to have her big jump foiled by a stormy day. Mom loves acting, performing, solving any and all murder mysteries on TV, and the daunting task of bringing me shopping to find the perfect shoes, jeans, dress, or whatever was crucially needed on any given day. Mom is the only one I trusted with me in the dressing room, because I know she is always brutally honest, not to mention, she would frequently remind me that yes, this is the perfect item, but no, it's not on sale, so we are going to put it back.
Such are the values that my mom instilled in me.
From the day I was born, I have had no doubt that there is not a person in the world who loves me and knows me better than my mom. And my mom will live on forever, because she lives inside me, consciously or not, every day of my life. She raised me with unconditional love, she taught me to be creative, how to be kind, how to be strong and how to look out for others. She taught me that I am special because of my insides, not my outsides, and that I am capable of doing anything I set my mind to. Most importantly, she taught me that I am never alone.
More than anything, my mom has inspired me and my dad (and countless others) with her faith. My mom was raised in a home of strong values and love, but one where religion was not a focus. But from the time she was 8 years old, my mom would get herself ready and take the bus to church each Sunday. Occasionally she would rope her younger brother into going with her, but for the most part, she went alone-- because she loved God and she wanted to worship him every week.
Regardless of circumstances, mom always trusted that her life was in God's hands. In March of 2013, mom had a particularly rough time after a chemo treatment didn't sit well with her. For days on end, she was unable to eat, drink or sleep. She was in pain, and so much so that she wasn't able to speak more than a few words at a time. Naturally, dad and I grew worried that our strong Carol seemed so weak. One day when we were alone, I asked mom, how is your faith? She said "It's so strong, Karin." After a pause, she continued, "I'm not alone. I know God is with me and taking care of me, I can feel it. It's like a peace in my heart, that's the only way I can describe it. I know he's watching over me and helping me through this."
Even when we heard that there were no more treatments the doctors could offer, mom remained unwavering in her faith. "I'll work hard and I will beat this. God and I will prove the doctors wrong," she said. When we moved mom to the Francis House, I once again was reminded of what a blessing my mom is to the world. Every volunteer, every care taker, every visitor that met my mom fell in love with her spirit. My brother Rob dubbed mom's room the "fun room" because walking past, you could hear her tinkling laughter and peeking in, you could SEE the love that is shared in our family. One day in August, a couple of mom's close friends stopped by to spend the day with her. Upon leaving, one of them told me: "I admire your Mom so much. I have never known anyone who is so determined to get better. She is a wonderful inspiration to all of us."
I realized something in my mom’s last week with us, and I shared it with her one evening before I said goodnight. I leaned over her bed, looked her in the eye, and told her, “You did it, mom. You beat cancer.” And I truly believe that. People give cancer way too much credit. They talk about the terrible things it does. They let it break their spirit and bring down their lives. My dad and Alex wear bracelets that say “cancer sucks.” And it does. Cancer may have taken my mom’s body, but it never touched her spirit. In fact, it only made her more faithful, and made our family’s love stronger. My mom always believed that everything happens for a reason, and cancer revealed to us many positive things. Cancer has helped us appreciate the little things. It has helped us learn to not sweat the small stuff. Most importantly, it reminded us how lucky we are to have been blessed with having such an awe-inspiring person as our best friend.
One day about a year ago, I was reading the Bible before bed, and I came across a verse that had Carol written all over it. In fact, I called my mom immediately to read it to her. It's from Matthew, chapter 5: "You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house." When I read these words, I recognized immediately: my mom is my lamp. She has not only given me life, but also my attitude toward it and my zest for it. My mom CREATED life for me, COMPLETED life for my dad, and COMPLIMENTED the lives of all of you. What a blessing. Thank you, Mom. We are all very lucky.